Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
