So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
