I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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