thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
