Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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