Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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