so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
