All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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