My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
