If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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