i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
