Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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