What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
