The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
