I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
