Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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