haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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