i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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