He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
