thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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