i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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