I didn't shave. On purpose
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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