my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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