I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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