Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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