I understand why you refuse to be sober now
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
