Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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