An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
