if only i could text you this smell
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
