im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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