there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
