her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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