my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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