i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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