: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
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