We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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