Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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