i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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