You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
