I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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