Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
