I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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