Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
