You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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