so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
