Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
