Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
