Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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