woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
