Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
