Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
