we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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