On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
