margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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