i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
