yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
