Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
