she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He passed out mid-signature
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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