I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
