I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Text me some of your sweat
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