My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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