Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
