I didn't shave. On purpose
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
