Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
