4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
