I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The struggles of a small town man whore
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
