Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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