You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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