I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
