Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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