I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
A+ Viking dick
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
