You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize