this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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