they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
