just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
