My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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