I'm drive I can fine osifer
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
