redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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