Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
