So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
