He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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