2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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