i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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