i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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