in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
