i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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