My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
