My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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