tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize