I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
