I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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