i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
